a taylor swift thanksgiving...

It's been a whole year... one whole year almost since I've divulged my deepest, darkest secrets to other wandering souls on the Internet. What's happened in that time many ask? So many, many ask...A whole lot of nothing and a whole lot of everything. I've searched over the year for a calling, a life long love, my identity, and a place to live. I hate to admit it, but I haven't found any of them. I did learn a lot about myself though throughout the months.

I've learned that I'm a pretty resilient individual. I've gone through more ups and downs than I could imagine... it seems like a lot more downs than ups. I always seem to make it back up the hill though with the help of the good Lord, wonderful family, and amazing friends.

I've learned that you don't make friends in your basement surrounded by dogs. OK... that might seem like common sense but the more I come to understand myself and my personality, the more I realize I'm not the extrovert I thought I was. I have always described myself as a people person and a social butterfly. Lies... all lies. The older I get, the more I enjoy time to myself, alone (alone = with my dogs), and watching amazing BBC television (*cough Doctor Who cough*). But all that glorious SciFi makes for a lonely person. I've been pushing myself to be more active, and go out of my comfort zone to meet new people and initiate new friendships. Cross my fingers that they all turn out to be life long friends (hope upon hope!).

I've learned that my faith never left me as I thought it had after the tragedies of my early twenties. The God I was so angry at for the loss of so many amazing people in my life has torn me down and rebuilt me to have a faith and a love for God stronger than I could have ever imagined. I could not have found that strength in faith and hope if it wasn't for one amazing church, Eagle Brook Church. The Church has encouraged to be a better daughter, a better friend, and to return to school and obtain a Masters in Divinity in Biblical Studies.

I've learned that I'm a horrible adult. So vague right? I have a lot of learning left to do. Things like managing my finances, managing my time, and taking care of my body and mind are utterly difficult things and often impossible tasks for me at times. But I'm learning...I'm trying, whatever that actually counts for. It seems like the idea of what an adult should be in my head and what I actually am never even come close to meeting. At times I know I deserve a little slack, but for the most part, I deserve a swift kick in the pants.

And the most important thing I've learned of all... I've learned that I love my family more than I could have ever imagined. Growing up, I wasn't intensely close with my brother like some relationships I know. In fact, we were the epitome of the brother-sister relationship. I was annoying, always tattling, always in the way, always breaking things and he was a bully, a teaser, and went out of his way to anger me. Fifteen years later, and I couldn't want a friendship more than I do with him. My brother is my unsung hero; a backstage manager if you will. He let me live my life but kept directing on the path he knew would be best for me. He took over when my father passed away, and he did a pretty good job filling his shoes the best he could. He even helped me fix a few messes and disasters. Go figure, me...the girl of disasters? This year though, he helped to bring a new life in to the world. Quinn Aubrey arrived in all her glory on October 2, 2014. The first of the Carver grandchildren. She is full of life and the love of my life. I'm not sure what God has in store for me and love and children. But I know I will be content looking out for this little angel the rest of my days.

So I guess despite all my wanting... I have a lot to be thankful this Thanksgiving. Maybe I should turn the Taylor Swift heartbreak tunage off and focus on what and who is around me. Maybe instead of drowning my sorrows in the bottom of a Moscato bottle, take a run and look at the glorious creation that was given to us by the Almighty.

sweat dreams: how grammar can affect your chances.

Anyone who has ever met me, been associated with me, or has seen a random Twitter of mine floating through Cyber Space, knows I am a bit of a "basic" or "common sense" grammar "Nazi" (ugh... that word really is awful). This isn't to say I don't make intermediate grammatical or structural mistakes, but I know the basics of "there, their, and they're" and "to, too", and my all time biggest, baddest *facepalm*... your and you're.

Seriously, online daters... "Your sexy." Ughhhh... my sexy what? My sexy kitten, Lumos? My sexy sweatpants? My sexy Doctor Who blanket? Seriously... WHAT OF MY NUMEROUS LIST OF SEXY THINGS?!?

When you enter the world wide arena of online dating, know your basics. See what I did there? I want to know that I'm conversing with someone who has a sixth grade level of completed education and I'm not actually on How to Catch a Predator.

But what about typos!? WHAT ABOUT AUTOCORRECT!?? We are all completely guilty of sending texts without revising or editing before we kick them out to our potential lovers. Don't be so hasty with that send button. Check your words over... switch some regulars up with a list of synonyms just to add that fancy touch. Tell me my pudding-stained sweatshirt and side-pony isn't just hot... it's exquisite. And those yoga pants I'm rockin'... well those bad boys create an insatiable desire of romance within your heart. Maybe then, you can take me on that romantic drive-thru of McDonald's.

Lastly, when in doubt, use common sense. France is usually not located in the United States. Typing lyk dis, babie boi will not only not get you a date... it'll get a dictionary thrown at your face.

crazy cat lady.

I never in a million years thought (with all the dogs I own) that I'd become a crazy cat lady, but alas, I have. It's so different owning a cat as compared to living with dogs. For starters, you know that you don't own a cat... it owns you. Lumos, or as Mama C calls her, "Lucifer", is quite the handful. She tackles tails, paws faces, and scratches anything valuable, including skin. The other night she took to making home in the hutch, and had nothing to say to the rest of us.

it's finally Christmas, and i'm home.

A little emo-Christmas music for those of us who enjoy Christmas but struggle with that holiday sadness for whatever reason. 

baby, it's cold outside.

It's official. We are back in the arctic tundra. The girls and I were a bit shocked by the falling snow and stark cold over the past few days. We have all acclimated to the sunshine summertime weather of Carolina, and are still a bit resistant to change. It's been hard enough to give up sweet tea, pecan pie, and Chic-fil-a, but now our beautiful and always perfect 75 degree weather too? Well, we'll get through by enjoying the wonderful holiday season and the beautiful scenery of Woodbury, Minnesota. The girls have been paws on when it comes to decorating our lovely abode and they look quite adorable doing it!

We have been so blessed to enjoy beautiful Christmas' up in Minnesota, snow and all. While we miss Carolina somethin' awful, we are grateful to be surrounded by friends and families, and lots of wonderful memories.

they're gettin' hitched!

Come October 12, I find myself addin' a brand new sister to my already large collection. Kelly Farris wooed my brother, in all his geekdom, off his feet and now he's takin' her to the altar. This makes me so incredibly happy because there's no one more deserving of love in this world than my brother. From the moment I was born 26 years ago, he has fulfilled the role of brother perfectly.

I've never understood the sisters who gush that their brothers are their best friends and they have been inseparable their whole life and blah blah blah. No...my brother gave me the entire big brother experience; from beating me up to holding me down to making fun of me to ignoring me.... to teaching me how to read to protecting me to surprising me with kindness at the most random of moments to being my hero when I needed one the most. He was not my inseparable best friend growing up... he was what he needed to be, my big brother.

Lee and I went through something that apart from being brother and sister, bonds us together forever. I have often thought of my own sadness at the absence of my father at my wedding. Selfishly, I have never stopped to think about the sadness my brother must feel with the date of his wedding growing closer every day, and our dad so untouchably far away. Dad would be so proud of you Lee, and he would be so happy and joyous for this moment in your life to have come. He will be there, watching us both, sharing in this experience with us, in ways we can not understand.

I love you so much Lee and this couldn't happen to a better a person.

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Matthew 19:4-6

Click here for more information on the Carver-Farris wedding!

If we are the body...

Tonight, as I left my amazing, amazing church, the Summit, I felt so lifted by the Lord and filled with the Holy Spirit. I hugged and loved upon my best friends as they got in to their car. We spoke about joining the church choir and other ways to get involved. The sermon had spoken and resonated so deeply within each of us. I just knew anyone who touched me could feel the love of Christ radiating from my skin, my bones... my soul. I hopped inside my own car and headed for home. I sang along to our local Christian radio and worshiped loudly and proudly. My ego had me thinking I was a vehicle of the Gospel, and my pride solidified my ego.

As I arrived home and started to rush in doors to escape this cold night, I was stopped by a neighbor who was headed out.

"What are you up to Allie?"

"I just got home from Church."

"You go to Church?"

"Yeah. I try to go every weekend with my friends."

"Oh, I had no clue you were Christian."

I was absolutely mortified, astonished, and worst of all... embarrassed.  What did he mean he didn't know I was Christian? Certainly, I was kind and giving, and I must more often than not follow in the footsteps of Christ with my actions. RIGHT!?? SERIOUSLY??!!

We said our goodbyes and I continued up the stairs. Each step feeling heavier than the last as my mind raced. I was so taken aback by his comments, and so utterly embarrassed that I couldn't make sense of any of my thoughts. I came inside my house and started to make dinner. I mindlessly began chopping vegetables and turning on the oven, and so many unimportant things... the entire time thinking of the events that had just occurred... when it dawned on me.

I was embarrassed  I was mortified. I was astonished... but for entirely the wrong reasons.

Again, my pride and my ego got the best of me. Yes, I want to be known as a Christian and a follower of Jesus to my friends and family, and those I come in contact with. But it should not be for my own glory, my own pride, and my own comfort. I should want these things because it helps to glorify God, it helps to spread the Gospel, and above all, my actions and words should bring others to Christ. In the wounds of my vanity, I was still failing to glorify and praise Christ. I was still thinking of myself and my reputation.

I want my future actions, words, praise, kindness... all to be for the glory of God, and none of it to be for my own selfish pride. None of it matters in regards to my reputation or what I am known for... None of it matters for me. I must make sure that I am bringing praise to Christ, I am winning souls for God, and I am spreading the Word of the Gospel.

If I open my heart. If I listen. If I pray... the Holy Spirit can and will work through me to make all of this happen. I need to remember that none of this is for me... It is all for Him.