tips from the southern tourism bureau.

• Don't order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so let them cook something they know. 
• Don't laugh at southern people names. (Merleen, Bodie, Luther, Ray, Tammy Ann, Maribeth, Inex, etc.) These people have been known to whip a man for less. 
• Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a whipping. Down south its called Coke. It don't make a hoot whether it is Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else, it's a Coke. 
• Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.). All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming. 
• Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner, Grisham, etc.). We are also better educated, and generally lots nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of FedEx, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgment (e.g., Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb because we'll whip you. 
• We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut up, spend your money, and get out of here. 
• Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. JUST eat your biscuits and don't put sugar on your grits. 
• Don't fake a southern accent. This will insight a riot. (my favorite, but it's INCITE ) 
• Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't care. If you don't like it here, take your self home. 
• We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games, so don't come down here asking the score because we don't really care. 
• We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we're saying. All other southerners do understand what we're saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go home. 
• Last, but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This will get you shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our Bar-B-Q ...and go home in a pine box.