we take it seriously. roll tide!

We take our religions seriously; Methodist, Baptist, and football! Wanna know the difference between Yankee football and Rebel football? Take a gander.

• Women's Accessories:
• NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
• SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.
• Stadium Size:
• NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
• SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
• Fathers:
• NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
• SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
• Campus Decor:
• NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
• SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
• Homecoming Queen:
• NORTH: Also a physics major.
• SOUTH: Also Miss America.
• Cheerleaders:
• NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
• SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
• Heroes:
• NORTH: Rudy Guliani
• SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
• Getting Tickets:
• NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
• SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.
• Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
• NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
• SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.
• Parking:
• NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
• SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
• Game Day:
• NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
• SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north.
• Tailgating:
• NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
• SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
• Getting to the Stadium:
• NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
• SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
• Concessions:
• NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
• SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
• When National Anthem is Played:
• NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
• SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
• The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
• NORTH: Nothing changes.
• SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
• Commentary (Male):
• NORTH: "Nice play."
• SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
• Commentary (Female):
• NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
• SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
• Announcers:
• NORTH: Neutral and paid.
• SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
• After the Game:
• NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
• SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.