remind me who i am to You.

While I prepare for an awesome night of hangin' out with my besties and Church service at the best church evahhhhh, the Summit, I put on a song that has really been speaking to me lately. I thought I would share the awesomeness I see in God's grace with all of you lovely souls!

The music video brings tears to my eyes and hope to my heart. Jason Gray is an amazing Christian singer, and this song makes me cry, rejoice, laugh, and bask in the glory that is our Lord and Savior.

can i get an "amen"?

So I think New Year means new layout! Yay for Hot Bliggity Blog. They always hook me up with some gorgeous Southern style layouts. Stop on by and tell them Allie sent ya.

I've decided to take my 2013 New Year's resolutions seriously. I've had a lot on my mind lately trying to figure how to deal with, delegate time to, and prioritize the different parts of my life, and the one theme I keep coming back to is.... I've been neglecting me. I've been neglecting the things I want to do. I've been neglecting my mind, my writing, my schoolwork at times (yikes! I hope none of my professors see this), and sadly, my own health and well-being. The hardest to admit out of all of these is God and Church.

For the New Year, I am making the following 13 resolutions (see what I did there... 13...2013... HA!):

1. I will exercise at least 3 times a week, if not more.
2. I will walk 30 minutes with my dogs at least 3 times a week, if not more (and this can't count as "exercise").
3. I will read one book a month (Cosmopolitan is not a book).
4. I will read the entire Bible front to back.
5. I will blog at least 5 times a week about anything and everything (my fans will keep me honest).
6. I will give up dating (check out Joshua Harris' book I Kissed Dating Goodbye).
7. I will have prayer/journal time every night.
8. I will switch from regular soda to diet soda.
9. I will take better care of my feet (weird...).
10. I will drink more water.
11. I will make schoolwork a priority.
12. I will keep my house cleaner.
13. I will make time for Church and small group, without excuses.

I feel as though these are all easily attainable resolutions. I believe in myself... at least I'm trying to believe in myself. My mother always said, "Fake it 'till you make it." I'm learning to slap a big ole' smile on my face regardless of my circumstances in life. This is nothing... a piece of cake... I'm stronger than I think.

Besides... my soul is rooting for me.

Hank did it first.

I feel like Dierks Bentley should give a kickback to Hank Williams Jr. for his "Am I the only one?".

 

Oh Hank, you wrote songs to prophesize my life. I know this now.

 

 

a little bit of this. a little bit of that.

To everything - turn, turn, turn,

There is a season - turn, turn, turn

And a time for every purpose under heaven.

So said the Byrds in 1965. Well actually, the book of Ecclesiastes did a long, long time ago.

But yet it's the point of my argument and not the original author that I emphasize. My blog has been mainly Southern humor thus far, and I am now ready to start opening up and sharing with my followers my many angles besides my love of the South and my roots. 

Now, please don't hit the unfollow button quite yet. I am a Confederate girl tried and true and will remain so, however myself and the Internet run out of jokes after a while that mock the stereotypical Southerner. So now is the time for new material, new posts, and new and fresh looks on things.

I hope ya'll will stay around to watch as this blond from Dixie keeps finding her way, and maybe you too, can find a little bit out about yourself on my journey.    

Southern dictionary.

Ah - The pronoun "I." i.e., "Ah done did that."
Ah'd - Contraction of I would. i.e., "Ah'd ruther be out huntin'."
Ah'll - Contraction of I will. i.e., "Think Ah'll mosey on down to the lake fer sum fishin."
buggy - A shopping cart.
daid - Dead. i.e., "They had to bury Billy Bob's dog 'cause he wuz daid."
fat - A physical confronrtation usually involving fists, but not always. i.e., "You youngins' best stop fatin' or I'm gonna whup your lil asses."
fer - For.
git - Get.
j'yoo - Did you? (Begins a question), i.e., "J'yoo go huntin' in Butcher Holler yesterday?"
mayrd - Married. i.e., "I heard that Bubba and Mary Jo got mayrd last week."
nanner puddin' - Bannana pudding.
Nawlins - Largest city in Louisiana. Known for it's jazz music and Mardi Gra Festival.
ruther - Rather.
snipe hunt - A practical joke that Southerners sometimes play on dumb Northerners.
sum - Some. i.e., "Want sum of my chewin' tabakki?"
tabakki - Tobacco.
thang - Thing.
thar - There.
ustacould - Used to be able to, i.e., "Bubba ustacould sing til' he got that frog in his throat."
whar - Where.
wuz - Was. i.e., "I wuz goin' to work today, but I think I'll lay out and go do sum fishin.'"
whup - To beat up. i.e., "Ifn's you knock my accent one more time, I'm gonna whup yore ass." Also, it can be used in the context of making something: i.e., "I'm a gitten hungry, think ahl whup up sumthin' to eat.
yawl - Contraction for you all. Sometimes written as y'all.
yonder - Afar. At a great distance. i.e., "Hey look over yonder! Bubba's a fixin' to drive his four-wheeler through that bog.
yore - Your.
youngin - A child. plural: youngins.

a little Southern hospitality ain't ever hurt no one...

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”

The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

if the South woulda won...

education of southern women.

Some believe Southerners are uneducated hillbillies. Southerners are quite learn'ed, and southern women... well there's a reason their hair is so big... it's full of knowledge.

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

• Drinking straight out of a can
• Not sending thank you notes
• Velvet after February
• White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day

Southern girls know the three types of school:

• Ballroom
• Ballet
• Charm

Southern girls appreciate their natural assets:

• Dewy skin
• A winning smile
• That unforgettable Southern drawl

Southern girls know their manners:

• "Yes, ma'am"
• "Yes, sir"
• "Why, no, Billy!"

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

• "Y'all come back!"
• "Well, bless your heart."
• "Drop by when you can."
• "How's your mother?"
• "Love your hair."

Southern girls know their summer weather report:

• Humidity
• Humidity
• Humidity

Southern girls know their three R's:

• Rich
• Richer
• Richest

Southern girls know their vacation spots:

• The beach
• The beach
• The beach

Southern girls know the joys of June, July, and August:

• Summer tans
• Wide brimmed hats
• Strapless sun dresses

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

• Honey
• Darlin'
• Sugah

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:

• "Gone With the Wind"
• "Fried Green Tomatoes"
• "Driving Miss Daisy"
• "Steel Magnolias"

Southern girls know their religions:

• Baptist
• Methodist
• Football

Southern girls know the seasons:

• Recruiting
• Spring Training
• Practice
• Football
• Needlework

Southern girls know their country breakfasts:

• Red-eye gravy
• GRITS
• Country ham
• Mouth watering homemade biscuits

Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

• Charleston
• Savannah
• New Orleans
• Birmingham

Southern girls know their elegant gentlemen:

• Men in uniform
• Men in tuxedos
• Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

• The mall
• The country club
• The beauty salon

Southern girls can teach anyone to flirt ...

• Slowly lower your eyelashes.
• Listen carefully to everything he says.
• Speak r-e-a-l slow.

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

• Bad hair
• Bad manners
• Bad blind dates

so you wanna move to the South? even more rules.

• Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.
• Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
• We don't do "hurry up" well.
• Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. You want to put milk and sugar on them then you want cream of wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be west.
• The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
• Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
• We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.
• You burn an American flag in our state -- you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all 4 of them) enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating up the flag burner.
• We do not ever, ever, ever say the word you all, contrary to what Hollywood may lead you to believe. The word is y'all and it could be either 1 person or 101.
• Tea--yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot--sit it in the sun. You want it UN-sweetened--add a lot of water.

who "they" were... is "why" we are

Every true Southerner knows the difference between a conniption fit and a hissie fit and that both are "pitched" not just "had"

Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a platter of hot crispy fried chicken, homemade buttermilk biscuits and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
(If the neighbor's trouble is of an extreme crisis, they are also known to add a tall thin layer chocolate cake and hopefully a large banana puddin'!)

A true Southerner always has a pretty good estimate of how many fish, turnip greens, collard greens or butter beans it takes to make a good mess, just like they know...

• What the general direction of cattywumpus is
• That "gimme sugar" applies to everyone from toddlers to the revered elderly and it does NOT mean pass the sugar bowl from the middle of the kitchen table
• That if someone's "fixin" to do something, they surely will
• The distinct difference between Yankees and Damn Yankees!
• A good family dog is worth his weight in pure gold
• A "right fer piece" is way over "yonder"
• That a "redneck" has a will of iron and a solid gold heart
• You can't buy real gravy from a store
• You don't shop with shopping carts; you put your groceries in buggies
• Tea is served SWEET and COLD from a tall glass that is refilled FREELY until you've had your fill
• Coffee can be served before the meal, during the meal and after the meal from a bottomless cup with ample cream and sugar if desired.
• "Y'all" means ALL of you all and requires no addition of an " S " as it is plural already. ONE is NEVER called " Y'all "
• A true Southerner knows how good an ice cold Pepsi and a Lance nab are and where they come from!
• Rocking chairs on front porches and bench swings in the back yard are guaranteed stress relievers
• An elderly person in either of them is a valued history lesson
• Being called "dahlin" is not reserved for romance but always expresses tenderness. You do NOT however wish to be called "dahl"
• Southern Belles are also Steel Magnolias and are always held in the highest esteem
• Homemaking skills are an acquired art studied and refined as they pass from grandmother, to mother, to daughter 

and finally...

God loves everyone, even the Yankees.

tips from the southern tourism bureau.

• Don't order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so let them cook something they know. 
• Don't laugh at southern people names. (Merleen, Bodie, Luther, Ray, Tammy Ann, Maribeth, Inex, etc.) These people have been known to whip a man for less. 
• Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a whipping. Down south its called Coke. It don't make a hoot whether it is Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else, it's a Coke. 
• Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.). All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming. 
• Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner, Grisham, etc.). We are also better educated, and generally lots nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of FedEx, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgment (e.g., Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb because we'll whip you. 
• We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut up, spend your money, and get out of here. 
• Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. JUST eat your biscuits and don't put sugar on your grits. 
• Don't fake a southern accent. This will insight a riot. (my favorite, but it's INCITE ) 
• Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't care. If you don't like it here, take your self home. 
• We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games, so don't come down here asking the score because we don't really care. 
• We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we're saying. All other southerners do understand what we're saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go home. 
• Last, but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This will get you shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our Bar-B-Q ...and go home in a pine box. 

we take it seriously. roll tide!

We take our religions seriously; Methodist, Baptist, and football! Wanna know the difference between Yankee football and Rebel football? Take a gander.

• Women's Accessories:
• NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
• SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.
• Stadium Size:
• NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
• SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
• Fathers:
• NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
• SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
• Campus Decor:
• NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
• SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
• Homecoming Queen:
• NORTH: Also a physics major.
• SOUTH: Also Miss America.
• Cheerleaders:
• NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
• SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
• Heroes:
• NORTH: Rudy Guliani
• SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
• Getting Tickets:
• NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
• SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.
• Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
• NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
• SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.
• Parking:
• NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
• SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
• Game Day:
• NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
• SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north.
• Tailgating:
• NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
• SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
• Getting to the Stadium:
• NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
• SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
• Concessions:
• NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
• SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
• When National Anthem is Played:
• NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
• SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
• The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
• NORTH: Nothing changes.
• SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
• Commentary (Male):
• NORTH: "Nice play."
• SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
• Commentary (Female):
• NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
• SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
• Announcers:
• NORTH: Neutral and paid.
• SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
• After the Game:
• NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
• SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.

song of the south. music to my ears.

If you don't love this song... well... we're just simply not friends.

ten commandments. get yerself right.

We all know the South is known for it's respect of religion and politeness. So here it is... a Southerner's ten commandments for how to act in polite society. 

1. Y'all shalt always remember your manners.
2. Y'all shalt make no fuss over yourself.
3. Y'all shalt not sass your mama.
4. Y'all shalt always wonder what your daddy would think.
5. Y'all shalt always talk the way you grow'ed up.
6. Y'all shalt tell no whoppers unless you are in a situation where you are expected to.
7. Y'all shalt demonstrate your great faith by the way you drive.
8. Y'all shalt always clean your plate.
9. Y'all shalt hold kinfolk in high regard, regardless of what you really think of 'em.
10. Y'all shalt always remember where you come from.

i love your accent!

"So where are you headed to?"
"Oh, I'm goin' to a weddin'."
"Where at?"
"Minnesota and I-wah."
"Your accent is adorable."
"Um... thanks."
"I wish I had a twang."
"Ok. Can you turn your air down?"

And so went the conversation of the St. Cloud woman and myself on a plane bound to Minnesota. We all know what twang means, "redneck". I personally like to believe I sound like an angelic Carrie Underwood-esque Carolina belle, rather than a back country hick. But according to the general population of America... apparently I don't.

Memorial Day love.

Today is a day of remembering those who fought for our country, for our rights, for our privileges, and for our freedom. I honor and salute those who have fought, died, and survived a most righteous battle; a battle for freedom and justice. As the daughter of a Vietnam Marine, I have nothing but the utmost respect for our armed forces, as well as the families and supporters of those serving. Regardless of your feelings towards current conflicts and deployments, IT IS EVERY AMERICAN'S DUTY TO RESPECT AND HONOR those fighting for our freedom every minute of every day. 

With that being said, an interesting conflict resulting from the origins of Memorial Day has been presented to me. Memorial Day, formerly known as Decoration Day, originated after the American Civil War (or the War of Northern Aggression for my Southern friends) as a way to honor Union soldiers who had fought and died in battle. Now while I fully support remembering, honoring, memorializing, etc. these soldiers, I feel it to be unjust and against the true purpose of Memorial Day by having its origin come from excluding Confederate soldiers. While Memorial Day has come to remember and recognize all American soldiers in any battle or war, its origins were still exclusionary. 

After some Internet research I discovered there are currently nine (9) states that observe Confederate Memorial Day. These states include: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas. These states honor Confederate soldiers who fought and died in the American Civil war specifically. I actually think this is kind of neat. My ancestors were Confederate soldiers, and I know they were amazing American patriots who loved this country and hated big federal government with a passion. Again, regardless of your feelings toward the Civil War, I believe its important to honor and respect ALL soldiers. In case you're wondering when your state's Confederate Memorial Day is, I've listed dates and any comments. Thank you Wikipedia !

• Alabama
• Fourth Monday in April
• The surrender of Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston to Union General William Sherman on April 26, 1865.
• Florida
• April 26
• The surrender of Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston to Union General William Sherman on April 26, 1865.
• Georgia
• April 26
• The surrender of Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston to Union General William Sherman on April 26, 1865.
• Louisiana
• June 3
• Jefferson Davis's birthday. Set by state law, Louisiana Revised Statues 1:55 
• Mississippi
• Last Monday in April
• The surrender of Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston to Union General William Sherman on April 26, 1865.
• North Carolina
• May 10
• The death of Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson in 1863 and the capture of Confederate president Jefferson Davis in 1865.
• South Carolina
• May 10
• The death of Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson in 1863 and the capture of Confederate president Jefferson Davis in 1865.
• Tennessee
• June 3
• Jefferson Davis' birthday.
• Texas
• January 19
• Confederate Heroes Day. In 1973, the Texas legislature combined the previously official state holidays of Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis' birthdays into a single "Confederate Heroes Day" to honor all who had served the Southern Cause. In some years, this date may coincide with Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. State offices are partially staffed in recognition of this day.
• April 26
• Confederate Memorial Day. Texas' official holiday is named Confederate Heroes Day and is celebrated on January 19. However, many local communities and Southern historical organizations within the state also observe a separate "Confederate Memorial Day" on April 26.

sweet Carolina girls.

For your viewing pleasures. I think everything they're sayin' is spot on. We are one of a kind ;)

if you're gon' make it in Carolina...

• Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
• Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
• If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.  Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly.  Don't try to help them.  Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
• Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
• Do not buy food at the movie store.
• Remember:  "Y'all" is singular.  "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
• There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
• People walk slower here.
• Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
• The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy".  Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression.  One hundred percent are in denial about it.
• The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
• "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
• If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
• If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way.  These are likely the last words he will ever say.
• Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do.  In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
• Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
• The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
• If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.  It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
• Satellite dishes are very popular in the South.  When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer.  This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
• Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common.  In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
• Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville).  There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
• As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
• You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

so you wanna move to the South?

ATTENTION ALL YA'LL VISITORS TO CAROLINA... HERE'S THA RULES!

• Pull up your pants and take that earring out. You look like an idiot.
• It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. So, drive or git outta the way.
• Yeah, we all started hunting and fishing before we started to school. Sure, we saw "Bambi" but we got over it.
• Go ahead. Bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod--but don't cry when a catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little 10 inch bass you're fishing for--we call it "bait."
• That bent-over farmer did more work before breakfast than you do all week, including your visits to the gym. He doesn't need your respect but he surely DESERVES IT.
• If your cell phone rings while we're in the woods waiting on a buck, we'll shoot it. You might hope you don't have it to your ear at the time.
• If you bring "Coke" into our homes, it'd better be brown, wet, and best served over a glass of ice.
• You have a $60,000 car? We're not impressed. Heck, we drive tractors, cotton pickers and hay balers that cost a quarter million dollars--and we only drive them a few weeks each year.
• Yeah, we eat catfish, deer, rabbit, and squirrel. You want sushi? It's available at the bait shop.
• What's that? People are waving at you in your car and smiling at you on the streets? We call it being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
• Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.
• Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
• We don't do "hurry up" well.
• Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. You want to put milk and sugar on them then you want cream of wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be west.
• The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
• Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
• We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.
• You burn an American flag in our state -- you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all 4 of them) enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating up the flag burner.
• We do not ever, ever, ever say the word you all, contrary to what Hollywood may lead you to believe. The word is y'all and it could be either 1 person or 101.
• Tea--yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot--sit it in the sun. You want it UN-sweetened--add a lot of water.
• And finally, we still believe in the Bible; that Jesus is the only way to get to Heaven because Adam's sin separated man from God. Don't you?

sweet Southern revenge.

Southerners put up with a lot of hate. We get made fun of in songs, television, and movies. There are so many stereotypes spreading like wild fire throughout society, nobody truly has an honest view of the South. Yes, most things are true. We love a little bread with our butter, we are a good-time-lovin' kind of people, and we do have our embarrassing cousins (but who doesn't have a few embarrassing family members?). For as much grief as we take, I say its time we start fightin' back. How do we do this? By embracing our Southern ways. So next time tourist seasons rolls around and snowbirds roll in to town, take a few tips to practice.

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words as if they had two syllables.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses them no end!
4. Talk REAL slow, and (even when you hear them the first time) always ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a "Coke."
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie, John Michael, Jim Bob, etc. . . .)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies . . . preferably the banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba".
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school. Always remember (especially in Texas) it's not a "pond", it's a "tank."
20. Never simply "do" something. Always be "fixin' to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations . . . Offends the devil out of 'em.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there . . . " "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town . . . "
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call em’ a Yankee. It works every time. 

religion of the South.

We have two places of worship in the South; a high school football stadium and church. I know... I know... With religion abounding off of billboards,prayer before kick-off, and a love of all things God and pig-skin, a Yankee could be sitting in a set of bleachers and not even know they're attending a Sunday sermon. Here's a few key characteristics to let a warm body know their chair has turned in to a Southern country pew. 

1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call to Worship is "Ya'll come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to take up the offering", and five guys stand up.
5. The restrooms are outside.
6. Opening day of deer or moose hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
12. A singing group is known as the "OK Chorale."
13. The church directory doesn't have last names.
14. The pastor wears boots.
15. Four generations of one family sits together in worship every Sunday.
16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer, and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
17. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
18. Baptism is referred to as "branding."
19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
20. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
21. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health.
22. High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.
23. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5000 whether the two fish were bass or cat fish.
24. People think "Rapture" is what happens when you lift something too heavy.
25. The cemetery is in such barren ground that people are buried with a sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day.
26. It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
27. The final words of the benediction are “Ya’ll come on back now, ya hear?

you hear a lot in the South.

Come below the Mason-Dixon line for day. You'll hear things you don't understand, things you THINK you understand, and things that just simply don't make sense in any language. However, there some things you will NEVER hear a Southerner say.

1. I'll take Shakespeare for $1,000, Alex
2. Duct tape won't fix that
3. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
4. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken
5. We don't keep firearms in this house
6. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
7. You can't feed that to the dog
8. thought Graceland was tacky
9. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe
10. Wrasslin's fake
11. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
12. We're vegetarians
13. Do you think my hair is too big?
14. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy
15. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
16. Who's Richard Petty?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds
18. Deer heads detract from the decor
19. Spitting is such a nasty habit
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today
21. Trim the fat off the steak
22. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso
23. The tires on that truck are too big
24. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad
25. I've got it all on a floppy disk
26. Unsweetened tea tastes better
27. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
28. My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's
29. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl
30. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams
31. Checkmate
32. She's too old to be wearing a bikini
33. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
34. Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen
35. I don't have a favorite college team
36. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side
37. I believe you cooked those green beans too long
38. Those shorts ought to be a little longer
39. Elvis who?

small town signs.

1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what 4-H and FFA are.
3. You went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
4. You used to lap "main".
5. You said the "F" word or smoked a cigarette and your parents knew within the hour.
6. You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
7. You could never buy alcohol because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow).
8. When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy alcohol, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to drink it.
9. It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
10. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
11. You don't give directions by street names, but by references: (Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks east to Anderson's, and its four houses left of the track field).
12. You know everyone's car/truck and are expected to wave when you meet them in the road.
13. You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
14. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
15. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
16. You refer anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people".
17. The people in the "big city" dress funny (then you pick up the trend 2 years later).
18. Anyone you want can be found at the local gas station or the town pub or in front of the post office.
19. You see at least one person a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends drives a grain truck to school occasionally.
20. The gym teacher suggests you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
21. Directions are given using THE stop light as a reference.
22. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you want a ride somewhere.
23. Your teachers call you by your older sibling's names.
24. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
25. You can charge at all the local stores or write checks without any ID.
26. The closest McDonalds is 15 miles away (or more).
27. The closest mall is over an hour away and is called simply "THE Mall".
28. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
29. You are related in one way or another to a large percentage of the town's population.

bless your heart. and yours. and yours. and yours too!

We've all heard it. We've all seen it. That epitome of the South saying. A perfectly moisturized and manicured hand laying flat across a cardigan sweater, set perfectly beneath a pair of pearls, and the slow, southern drawl of "Bless your heart.". But what does it mean? Are all Southerners in a constant "great commission"? Are we truly blessing the heart of others? Sometimes it's an endearment, and sometimes it's a underhanded insult at the recipient. Sandra Poole and Jennifer Youngblood, authors of Confession of a True Southerner, help reveal what "bless your heart" really means. 

We've all heard it, and most of us have said it, but what does it really mean? Now, before all of you dyed-in-the-wool Southerners get your drawers in a wad and start hollering that I'm preaching to the choir, let me continue. "Bless your heart" is not something that you have to explain to Southerners. We all understand it because it's our language. We all know that "bless your heart" has many meanings, kind of like how the word aloha means hello, goodbye, and I love you in Hawaiian. It all depends on how you use it. Like I said earlier, I used to think that everybody knew what "bless your heart" meant, and it wasn't until a friend of mine from out West started complaining about it that I realized that the term could be confusing to foreigners. So, here are a few simple definitions you can use the next time a Yankee or Westerner starts carrying on about the way we talk.

"Bless your heart" is a form of empathy. It's like giving someone a great, big hug. When a friend starts complaining about her rotten boss, her no count husband, and how the kids are driving her crazy, we just shake our heads and look her in the eye and give her a heartfelt "bless your heart." It's our way of saying "Honey, I'm so sorry. I know just how you feel, and I'm glad that today it's you and not me."

When your cousin Susie does something just plain dumb, and your aunt Margaret calls you up to tell you about it, you just listen real close and utter a few "bless her hearts" when she pauses long enough to draw in a breath. That way you'll both know that even though Susie doesn't have enough sense to blow up a pea, she's still family after all, and we love her anyway.

In the South, we believe in being polite even if it kills us. So, when we just can't fight the urge to say something nasty, we follow it up with a "bless her heart" just to make us feel better. "Look at that poor woman trying to jog around that track. Her rear-end is dragging a trail, bless her heart."

Probably the most important way we use "bless your heart" is so we can identify each other. When I'm far from home and feeling all alone, I just throw out a few "bless your hearts" into the conversation and see what happens. If the person I'm talking to gets this confused look like I've just sprouted another head , then I just go on to the next person and do the same thing until finally I hear that familiar twang that's sweeter than a melody and then come those beautiful words "Well, bless your heart." That's when I know I'm home-- even though I'm a thousand miles away.

So the next time someone comes up and puts an arm around you and offers a heart-felt "bless your heart," you'd better count your lucky stars that you're in a place where people still care enough to say it. Yes, indeed. Bless your heart, and God bless the hearts of all Southerners!

what you should know about rednecks: answers revealed.

1. 7 
2. 43, red and blue 
3. Fishin' 
4. University of Tennessee 
5. University of Georgia 
6. Hard peanuts 
7. 283 
8. French 
9. A red bug (small parasite) 
10. A sausage-like loaf made out of pig parts 
11. Panama City, FL 
12. Spanish moss 
13. Evinrude 
14. Mudfish 
15. Nothing. A steer has been castrated. 
16. Hank Williams 
17. Corn 
18. Paul Bryant 
19. Because of the pollen 
20. "The Recipe" 
21. Helen 
22. WSM 
23. Georgia 
24. Calf roping 
25. Mandolin 
26. 5 
27. The same thing 
28. A wild grape 
29. Yes 
30. Because that's where the better cuts of meat are. Rich folks live high on the hog. 
31. Green 
32. Another trick animal husbandry question. Mules are generally sterile. 
33. Tobacco

how to become a southern belle in 19 steps (or less).

While I love, love, love WikiHow to learn how to make a ribbon bow or change the oil in my car, I believe its far less equipped to teach society or families on how to produce a Southern belle. But nonetheless it took on that challenge, and in as little as 19 steps! Let's see if it works.

1. To be a southern belle you must first be presented into society, which means a debutante ball or cotillion. 
2. A true southern belle has perfect manners. Read up on your table manners, and make sure to always practice them. When you bump into someone accidentally, say "Excuse/Pardon me", when someone gives you a compliment, smile and say "Thank you!". And of course, always be polite to everyone.
3. Respect your elders. Call anyone you meet "Ma'am" and "Sir", unless told to do otherwise.
4. Add the nicknames "Sugar", "Sweetheart", "Darlin'", "Lamb", and "Baby", to your vocabulary, and start calling your friends that. Don't overdo it though!
5. Make sure you always dress well, and are presentable at all times. Do not wear clothes that are too revealing. Southern belles love wearing dresses, pearls, heels, and nice jackets. Invest in a few nice, casual dresses if you can.
6. Keep yourself looking clean and neat. Bathe every day, wear a light perfume, keep your hair looking nice and clean, keep your nails manicured and polished, and never cake on the make up!
7. Southern Belle's are very family oriented. Always help out your family, spend quality time with them, and love them. Call your Mother, "Momma", and call your Father, "Daddy", regardless of how old you are!
8. Take compliments well. When you're complimented, do not try to shoot down the compliment. When someone says "You look very pretty today!", smile warmly and say "Thank you! I love your ---!". Complimenting them back shows that you're a sweet, kind person.
9. Smile! A southern belle always has a bright, warm smile on her face.
10. Have Southern hospitality. A southern belle is sweet, kind, and generous to everyone they come across. This is where "Southern Hospitality" comes in to play. If you don't like someone, still be polite and sweet. And if you can't, simply do not say anything!
11. Learn how to make sweet tea! Offer it to everyone who visits your home. It's a Southern staple, and tastes delicious!
12. Do your momma a favor, and clean the house for her a few times a month. Doing chores for your Momma shows that you care, and respect all the sacrifices she does for you!
13. Finish school. A southern belle has an education, and a good head on her shoulders.
14. Don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol. A Southern belle would never be caught singing drunk in her panties.
15. Never swear. Use euphemisms instead. Say "Darn" instead of "D-mn", and so on. Swearing shows a lack of intelligence, it sounds dirty, and it's completely unnecessary.
16. Never speak of using the restroom to anyone. If you need to use the restroom, simply excuse yourself.
17. Southern belles are very religious. Respect your religion, and those of others, as well. God is your number one go-to advice-giver.
18. Have a genuine, sweet, down-to-earth attitude.
19. Pay attention to how you present yourself. Hold your head up high, sit up straight, and have a neat, groomed appearance.

southern loves.

It's true that the little things are often forgotten in life. Since moving back home, I have rediscovered the essential loves of a Southern life. I've compiled a small list that makes for good ol' Dixie days.

• America (except for the federal government)
• Ancestors
• Land (especially if it’s a farm or in the country)
• Lynyrd Skynyrd
• Country music
• Elvis Presley
• Pick-up trucks
• High school football games
• Scarlet O'Hara
• Rhett Butler
• The little country Church
• Goo Goos
• RC Cola
• Our accents
• Azaleas
• People who are "just folks"
• The “blues”
• Duck hunting
• Flirting
• Fried pies
• Home
• Hospitality
• Tradition
• Living at a leisurely pace
• Pecans (especially in pies)
• Quilts
• Soul food
• Potlucks
• Parades
• Bluegrass (both kinds)
• The Grand Ole Opry
• Fireworks
• Tailgating at ballgames
• Cedar Christmas trees
• The beach
• Magnolia trees
• Restaurants that serve breakfast anytime
• Griping about politicians and damn Yankees
• Country ham
• Hunting
• Fishing
• All-you-can-eat buffets
• Chicken-fried steak
• Biscuits
• Family pictures
• Good manners
• Slow talkers
• Driving fast
• Loafing
• Piddling
• Dinner on the church grounds
• Watermelon
• Vacation Bible School
• Big hair (and blonde too!)
• Baptizing in a creek
• Mud boggin’
• Afternoon hymn sings
• Porches
• Tractors
• Ugly dogs
• Barbecue
• Golf
• Iced tea
• Lemonade
• Sunday dinner
• Confederate flag
• Dixie
• 6-1/2-ounce Cokes
• The church softball team
• Air-conditioning
• Stock-car racing
• Moon Pies
• Mama and Daddy
• Family
• Gospel music
• Chinese buffet restaurants
• Song "Freebird"
• Song "Sweet Home Alabama"

whatchya' know 'bout rednecks?

1. How many Vienna Sausages are in a can? 
2. What was the number and color of Richard Petty's cars? 
3. Bill Dance is good at what? 
4. What university does Bill Dance root for? 
5. Where did Herschel Walker play (college) football? 
6. After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what? 
7. In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8? 
8. A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin' language? 
9. What is a chigger? 
10. What is scrapple? 
11. Where is "The Redneck Riviera"? 
12. What's that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak trees? 
13. What follows logically? Johnson, Mercury,_______________. 
14. What's the common name for a bowfin? 
15. If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get? 
16. Who sang "Your Cheatin' Heart"? 
17. What are grits made out of? 
18. Who was nicknamed "The Bear"? 
19. Why is the Blue Ridge blue? 
20. What did The Baldwin Sisters make? 
21. Who was Andy Taylor's love interest? 
22. What are the radio station call letters that carries "The Grand Ol' Opry"? 
23. Where would you find Vidalia County? 
24. What sport requires 3 legs and a rope? 
25. What instrument did Bill Monroe play? (typically) 
26. How many strings on a banjo? (two possible answers) 
27. When you argue with a fool, what is he doing? 
28. What is a scuppernong? 
29. Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu? 
30. Why do you want to eat "high on the hog"? 
31. What color is a John Deere? 
32. What do you call the offspring of a mule? 
33. What will you harvest when you plant "shade"?

little known facts 'bout Carolina.

• Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
• There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in North Carolina.
• There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in North Carolina, plus a couple no one's seen before.
• Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
• Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
• If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls; it bites.
• A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
• "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
• It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
• People actually grow and eat okra.
• “Fixinto” is one word.
• There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.
• Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.
• Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
• 'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
• You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
• You know what a 'tar heel' is.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
• You know what "cow tipping" is.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete and catsup.
• The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
• You think that the first day deer season is a national holiday.
• You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
• You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
• You know whether another North Carolinian is from east, west, or middle North Carolina as soon as they open their mouth or the barbecue they eat.
• Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin’ Wal-martin" or off to"Wally World".
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
• A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
• Example: "What kinna coke you want?"
• Fried Catfish is the other white meat.